joys of that time. Advance the time frame a little and recall those tremendously exciting times when you had your first baby boy or girl. The birth of your firstborn was so dramatic, so filled with emotion, something you had never experienced before. When other children came along, each one added in a special way to your family. Recall and discuss the beginning of your family and the incredible joys that came with that wonderful time.

Review the growth of your family members and where they are today. As time moved on, your children grew up and each one was different. Their personalities were different and their gifts and desires differed far more than you could have imagined. You worked through those wonderful times and allowed each child to realize his or her potential. So talk about them, discuss them and share your thankfulness for their good qualities today.

Communication is a two-way street. There's a truism about communication between two people: It goes both ways. If a husband thinks that communication in a marriage means that he talks and she listens, you can expect difficulties. If a wife thinks that communication means for her husband to learn from her intuition, she may be forfeiting his logic (or vice versa). Both husband and wife should realize the great potential of good communication-that there are great blessings in both speaking and listening.

"Fight fair" by addressing issues rather than personalities. No marriage will benefit from fighting, especially when the fighting focuses on each other's personality and character. Carping, nagging, belittling and

bullying do not belong in a good marriage. The term "fight fair" refers to addressing issues, not personalities. If a husband and wife disagree on an issue, they should be sure to focus on the issue and not each one's perception of the other's personality or character. Besides, one or both might not perceive the other person accurately. How many times have you felt that your mate did not perceive you correctly? Think about that the next time you disagree on an issue of importance. Each mate should give a wide berth to attacks on personality and character. When you disagree, pause and take the time to discuss the issue you are disagreeing about.

Be sure you make up. What does it really take? Some people have kidded that they love to fight because it's so much fun to make up. Those who actually practice this are playing "marriage roulette," though, because the more one demeans his or her partner's character, the more emotional scars remain. Words are powerful. Damaging words hurt terribly. If you don't believe it, consider this: Why is it that you always seem to remember the damaging, thoughtless character assassinations others have inflicted on you in past years? Never demean one another's character or belittle the other's personality. Instead, try a peaceful approach and encouragement. Always look for the good in him or her. Compliment your mate's personality and character, for you are now one and no longer two (Genesis 2:24), and no one ever hated his own flesh (Ephesians 5:29).

Practice sacrifice and service. Frankly, the debilitating state of marriage today is often fueled by one or both partners' selfishness and desire for instant gratification. After all, television programs, movies, music and immoral or amoral publications are pervasive, and they do have terrible effects on society-including the institution of marriage. Truly happy and satisfying marriages are based on giving, not on getting. When both mates sacrifice for each other and begin to serve one another, their marriage improves overnight. This one act alone can turn a marriage around almost instantly. Don't get caught up in the trap of this world's hedonistic and amoral notions. It doesn't make any difference if most people live this way. If millions of people do a stupid thing, it's still stupid.

Look on your mate's strengths and let him or her know you appreciate them. What are your wife's strengths? Is she good with domestic things like cooking you a great meal? Is she good at helping you around the house, or shopping, or finances, or giving you insight as to your job or other commitments? Is she hospitable and helpful to others? Whatever her strengths, let her know you appreciate them. And you can be sure she has strengths that help make your marriage stronger. What are your husband's strengths? Is he a good provider, a good father and one who helps you around the house? Whatever his strengths-and he has some!-let him know that you appreciate them. Don't be abstract in telling your mate you appreciate his or her strengths; be specific and do this often- very often....>>>>Article Continues>>>> <<<<Back<<<<